Dear Diary
by Smitten1
Summary: *WIP* Set two years post "Chosen". Heavy spoilers for season finale. Buffy has been having nightmares about Spike and Giles suggests a journal.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: The Buffy characters belong to Joss, the rest belong to me. But I'll share.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Boy, does that ever sound hokey... OK, I'll take this seriously and give it a real try. I certainly owe Giles that much. He says it might help the dreams stop. Hard to imagine that just writing about all this will make it go away, but it's not like going to a psychiatrist is an option, now is it? I can just see that conversation. Hi, I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. You've never heard of me? That's funny. I've saved the world for you more times than I can count. They'd have the straight jacket on me and a thorazine drip going before I could take another breath. Nope, this is just one more demon to slay, but now I don't have Spike to watch my back. I never will again. And that's where the dreams come in.  
  
So, where should I start? Do I pretend that this book is a person and treat it like a stranger? Do I talk to it like I talk to myself? Or an old friend? Huh... guess I should have asked Spike when I had the chance. He was always scribbling in something, but I was more interested in other activites back then. Books, bad. Sex, good. Giles always had to keep the Watcher Journals, but those were really dry. You know, three vamps, four demons, a dozen eggs.... Sounds like a Hellmouth shopping list.  
  
OK... a little background. Sunnydale sat on the Hellmouth. What a great idea, build a town on Hell's doorstep, then prop the door open. I'm the Slayer. Well, there's another one too, actually a whole bunch of other ones, but I was the Slayer first. Not that I was the First Slayer, but.... wow, this is hard. I don't know how far back to go. I mean, does this all have to make sense to anyone who picks it up, or is it just meant to be a place for me to write all my feelings down? Like I said, I've never done this before.  
  
Um... I slay vampires and demons, the bad ones anyway. There are some that aren't bad, but it took me too long to figure that out. I have a sister who used to be a Key -- this big ball of green energy stuff that opened a portal to all the hell dimensions, but I died to close the portal. Not that I'm dead... Willow and Tara and Anya and Xander brought me back from Heaven. And now Tara and Anya are gone, Willow doesn't do much magic anymore, and Xander... well, I'll come back to him.  
  
After the Hellmouth caved in, we all moved to this little town near Cleveland called Glenville. It's so strange being in the middle of the country. I grew up in LA and then Sunnydale, which are both in California, so I was always pretty close to the ocean. Now it seems like I'll never see it again. Giles came with us for awhile, but now he's back in England. He was my Watcher. It was his job to train me and do researchy stuff to help kill the demons and the big bads that came to town, or up from the Hellmouth.  
  
When we got here, Willow and I talked about it and decided to let Dawnie, that's my sister, you know, the Key thingie, take her GED even though she's kinda young. Neither one of us wanted to risk sending her to another school that was so close to a Hellmouth. She's really good at languages and translating old texts and stuff so she's taking some language classes online and when she's a little older, she says she's gonna go to college and maybe get a job at the UN or something as a translator. Sounds nice and safe.  
  
Willow got her degree last summer and is working on her Master's now. Something computer-y. She's a TA at the college and they've asked her to stay on as a teacher when she finishes. It's good. She's comfy and the kids love her.  
  
Ever since Xander made that beautiful weapons chest for me, he's wanted to focus on woodworking stuff like that (not for weapons, but for like wedding dresses and china cabinets and tables -- like old fashioned Hope chests). We set him up a shop out in the garage and he's sold a few pieces. They're gorgeous. All carvy and elaborate. He's getting a reputation. People even come looking for him.  
  
He and I have gotten closer since we lost Anya and Spike. He seems to understand and accept Spike more now that he's gone. It's too bad. I think the two of them could have been friends if they had given each other a chance, if he hadn't been trying so hard to protect me back then. Not sure if he was trying to protect me from Spike or myself though. Not sure he even knew. But now we keep each other company when neither one of us wants to face the nightmares. I think we've seen every old movie ever made. Especially the vampirey, demon-y ones.  
  
I guess that brings me to Spike. William the Bloody. For so long I tried to convince myself that he wasn't worth loving, that he was beneath me. I even said that to him. He was so hurt. I felt like a heel, but I couldn't take it back. That would have been showing weakness. Can't have the Slayer look weak. All that lost time. I just didn't think about it back then. After all, Spike was a vampire -- hello, immortal. Had all the time in the world, right? 


	2. Dreams

Dreams  
  
The crater that had been Sunnydale seemed to pulse in time with her heartbeat. Almost two years and still very little had started to grow on the land. There were a few brave shoots of grass and some weeds, but even those looked sickly, like the ground couldn't nourish them properly. As she stood gazing out across the vast expanse, it began to bulge in the middle, where the Hellmouth had been. She stared in fascination and horror as suddenly blood -- it couldn't be blood, could it? -- burst from the bulge and flowed toward her. Then Spike was there, as sexy and disturbing as ever, but without the cockiness. He was holding his arms out to her, beckoning, walking slowly toward her on the flowing blood. "Come, pet, come see how it ended. We did this together, you and I. Come see."  
  
She reached toward him... oh, to be safe in his arms again. That night seemed so long ago. But she couldn't move her feet and he was fading. "Spike, wait. Don't go. I need you." He smiled gently and was gone.  
  
Buffy awoke sweating and tangled in the sheets. She stared up at the ceiling waiting for reality to flood back in. Sunnydale was gone. The Hellmouth was gone. The fight was over. They had won. Anya was gone. So many of the Potentials, too. And most important, Spike was gone. Forever. She rolled onto her side and sobbed. Would she never run out of tears? 


	3. Nightmares

Nightmares  
  
Buffy dragged herself out of bed after another dream-filled night. Most of the details eluded her, as usual, with the light of day. She was left with an impression of gore and a deep sense of loss. And Spike's smile.  
  
After standing under the scalding shower, trying to convince herself to face another day, Buffy got dressed and went out to the garage to watch Xander for awhile. Seeing the pieces take shape under his skillful hands was soothing somehow. The solidity of a table or an armoire grounded her. Plus she liked the smell of sawdust. It was a clean smell.  
  
Xander glanced up as she walked in, "Hey, Buff."  
  
"Hey."  
  
He looked more closely and saw the circles under her eyes, the haunted look in them, and knew. "Dreams again, huh?" he asked quietly. She just nodded.  
  
"Whatcha makin'?"  
  
He realized she still wasn't ready to talk about them. He sure hoped that journal idea of Giles' worked. She'd been having the dreams for almost a year now. They had started on the anniversary of.... he had to force himself to say it, even inside his head... the end of Sunnydale. The end of the lives they had known -- the end of so many lives.  
  
"It's an ottoman to go with the chair I made for Mrs. Travis last month. She ordered a coffee table too. She said she's going to redo the whole room around the chair." Xander turned his attention back to the wood he was measuring. It was where he found his comfort. In creation after all the destruction. "Where's Dawn? She studying?"  
  
"Um... I'm not sure. I didn't actually look." Buffy felt the familiar twinge of guilt. She wasn't paying enough attention to Dawn. She wasn't paying enough attention to anything anymore. Even the slaying. She just went through the motions day after day, night after night. Get up, get dressed, eat when she remembered or someone told her to, wash dishes, do laundry, go grocery shopping, patrol. All without really noticing or caring. She was grateful that the Council had set up the trust fund before they blew up and she didn't have to find a job. At least they had done THAT right. She and Giles were taken care of for the rest of their lives.  
  
"Movie night tonight?" Buffy jumped. She'd been lost in memories again, dreaming in the past.  
  
"Oh... yeah... Willow's stopping at the video store on the way home. Wonder what she'll pick this time."  
  
"Can't be any worse than the time she decided we all needed a light fluffy night and came home with Xanadu."  
  
"Or what about the night she wanted us to stay up and watch the whole Herbie the Love Bug series."  
  
Buffy and Xander shared a smile and he inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't going to be one of the really hard days. *Good, she's had enough of those.*  
  
"I'll let you get back to work. I'm gonna go check on Dawnie. She said something yesterday about wanting to go to the library. Maybe we'll go do that and I'll take her for some ice cream after, you know, to reconnect a little."  
  
"Great idea. Don't forget to be back by four. You know how Giles gets if you're not here when he calls."  
  
Buffy made a face and sighed. "I know, I know. I'll be here. It's hard to talk to him these days though. He asks all the hard questions. Like if I'm OK and if the dreams have stopped. I just wish I could remember the details. He wants me to work on that. Trying to write it down as soon as I wake up. He gets so frustrated with me when I tell him it's already blurry by then."  
  
"He wants to help, Buff."  
  
"Yeah. He always has. But I'm not sure anyone else can help on this one. It might be one I have to figure out on my own."  
  
Xander shrugged and said "Maybe. Go have some fun with Dawn. You both need it."  
  
"OK. We'll be back by four."  
  
"OK." Xander watched Buffy's back as she headed back into the house. *We all want to help, but you won't let us in. I have dreams too, but they don't haunt me like yours do. Come back to us, Buffy. You're the glue that holds all of us together. If I had known that losing Spike would take so much of you away too, I'd have chloroformed HIM that night. Jeez, never thought I'd miss anything about him. But I miss the way he could make you laugh... the smile in your eyes.* He sighed and went back to his measuring.  
  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
With dinner over, Buffy, Xander and Dawn plopped on the couch. Willow trailed behind and put the big bowl of popcorn on the coffee table where they could all easily reach it. It seemed like no matter how satisfying dinner was, movies just required popcorn. She had a mischievous light in her eyes as she pulled the video from the bag. "This is an oldie but a goodie, you guys." She took the video from the box and slid it into the VCR, then bent to turn on the television. The previous renter had failed to rewind and suddenly the strains of "Unchained Melody" filled the room and Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore were holding each other.  
  
Buffy's eyes filled with tears, she let out a strangled sound, looked at Willow in dismay and bolted from the room. Willow was frozen in shock. She watched Buffy go as Xander grabbed the remote to hit the mute button.  
  
"Smooth move, Wil. Not sure 'Ghost' would have been my first choice, you know, what with the nightmares and all."  
  
"I-it wasn't. I m-mean, I didn't choose it. L-Look." She held out the box which read 'Ghostbusters'. "I thought it would be fun. You know, kind of Buffy-Lite. I better go see if she's ok."  
  
"I'll go," Dawn said, getting up from the couch and climbing over Xander's legs. "I kinda need to blow my nose anyway." She stood outside Buffy's door and took a deep breath, expecting to hear sobbing from inside the room. Nothing. Uh-oh. This was going to be a hard one. She tapped gently and pushed the door open. "Buffy? They switched the tapes in the boxes at the store, it was supposted to be -- "  
  
Buffy was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. The tears silently streamed down her face. Dawn reached to hug her, but Buffy didn't respond. "Buffy? Buffy!" 


	4. Merry Old England

Merry Old England  
  
Giles sighed as he left the larger building for his smaller quarters located just behind. He glanced back to make sure all the windows were dark. It had been a good day for the most part. Wood was doing an excellent job with a very unusual situation. He had managed to hire a staff with just the right balance to keep the Poten-, er Slayers, in check. It was still difficult for him to think of all the girls as Slayers. To him, it would always be THE Slayer as opposed to A Slayer. And Faith had surprised them all by the way she had stepped so easily into the role of martial arts trainer. She was giving the girls an excellent foundation in both structured fighting and street fighting. The girls were coming along quite well.  
  
And Wesley -- my goodness, how far that boy had come. It had never occurred to any of them when Buffy presented them with the concept of awakening the powers in all the Potentials that all the potential Watchers would be awakened as well. Wesley was now spearheading the effort to get them trained.  
  
Things were going to be different this time. Better. With the help of a database, they were going to make Slayer/Watcher matches that would bolster the weaknesses and make the most of the strengths of both members of the teams. No more random pairings. Buffy had certainly taught him as much as he had taught her through the years. Not the least of which was that a Slayer didn't have to be set apart, isolated from friends. Buffy's friends had always been her strength. Even Spike. Who would have imagined that a vampire could be part of a Slayer's strength? And yet, some part of that strength seemed to have been left behind at the bottom of the crater with him.  
  
He glanced at his watch as he entered his quarters. Ah, yes, perfect timing. He was so looking forward to hearing her voice. She had been out with Dawn when he'd called Friday. Xander said they had gone to the library and had plans for movie night. It sounded so normal. But then Xander had said she was still having the dreams and looked tired all the time. She didn't really seem to care about much of anything anymore. He'd so hoped the journal would help.  
  
Giles took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose wearily after hanging up the phone. This was the second of his calls in a row that Buffy had missed -- avoided, he was now sure. He rang her up twice a week religiously. And for the first year, it seemed she had been waiting by the phone to pounce as soon as it rang. Ever since the anniversary, and the beginning of the dreams, however, more often than not there were excuses when Xander answered.  
  
He flipped open his schedule minder to review his commitments for the next several days. The summer they had lost her he had felt so very old. Almost relieved, in a sense, that he could go home and just wait until it was his time. And hope he would see her again. And then they brought her back. He remembered coming through the door of the Magic Box and seeing her again. Remembered not quite knowing how to feel, flooded with emotions. Relief, confusion, fear, love, all overshadowed by the despair and emptiness of the last four and a half months. Then she turned to look into his eyes and all he could feel was her. The daughter of his heart was hugging him -- very tightly. Was that a rib that had just cracked? He tried to pull away.  
  
"You're alive. You're here. And you're still... remarkably strong."  
  
"Huh? Oh. Sorry."  
  
"Willow told me, but I didn't really let myself believe..."  
  
"I take a little getting used to. I'm still getting used to me."  
  
"It's, uh... you're..." He ran out of words.  
  
"A miracle?"  
  
"Yes. But then, I always thought so."  
  
The Watcher blinked, glanced over at the clock and realized he had been sitting motionless for quite some time. He brought his attention back to the page open before him. Flipping several days ahead, he nodded decisively and picked the phone up to book a flight back to the States. She wan't really in need of a Watcher any longer, but perhaps he could be more helpful to her if he were in closer proximity. He wouldn't be able to stay for long, but he needed to try. For his own sake as much as hers. 


	5. Photographs

Photographs  
  
The crater that had been Sunnydale seemed to pulse in time with her heartbeat. Almost two years and still very little had started to grow on the land. There were a few brave shoots of grass and some weeds, but even those looked sickly, like the ground couldn't nourish them properly. As she stood gazing out across the vast expanse, it began to bulge in the middle, where the Hellmouth had been. She stared in fascination and horror as suddenly blood -- it couldn't be blood, could it? -- burst from the bulge and flowed toward her. Then Spike was there, as sexy and disturbing as ever, but without the cockiness. He was holding his arms out to her, beckoning, walking slowly toward her on the flowing blood. "Come, pet, come see how it ended. We did this together, you and I. Come see."  
  
She reached toward him... oh, to be safe in his arms again. That night seemed so long ago. But she couldn't move her feet and he was fading. "Spike, wait. Don't go. I need you." He smiled gently and waited. She walked toward him sure she wouldn't get to him before he faded away as he had all the other times. Suddenly she was there, in his arms -- safe, content, whole.  
  
Reluctantly, Buffy opened her eyes and found herself back in her room in Glenville. "No," she whimpered, "come back. I need you." And again she cried, this time for the loss of something she had dreamed was once more within her reach. Once the storm exhausted itself, she reached for her journal because this time it was different. This time she could remember all the details. They hadn't faded immediately. Maybe it was important. As she finished the entry, she found herself straining to capture the details of his face in her mind.  
  
The dream was clear, but he wasn't anymore. Her memory of him was fading. This started the tears once again. Somehow it wasn't fair. There were no pictures, no mementos of Sunnydale. Nothing had survived. None of them had even imagined that all of Sunnydale would vanish, they hadn't taken the time to collect up the little physical reminders people take when they leave a place for the last time. They all thought that the survivors would be returning to the house and that everyone would come back to Sunnydale to pick up their lives where they had left off -- without the Hellmouth. They'd even talked, albeit jokingly, about going to the mall the next day.  
  
Willow casually glanced in to say hello on her way down the hall, "Hey, Buff--" and paused at the door. "Buffy, what's wrong?" She came in and sat on the edge of the bed and gently held her as she cried.  
  
"I can't remember," she sobbed.  
  
"Can't remember what's wrong?" Willow was confused.  
  
"No. I'm starting to forget him. Forget Spike. I can remember how amazingly blue his eyes were, but I can't quite remember the shape of the scar in his eyebrow. I can't remember how he looked at me. I can't remember--" She dissolved once again into tears.  
  
Willow thought for a few seconds and then inspiration struck. "Oh, hey! I can fix that. Wow, finally something I can fix. Come out to the computer, Buffy. Come see what I can do." Willow drew her off the bed by the hand and out to the computer. Buffy sank into the chair next to her and stared off into space as Willow logged onto the internet and did a quick search. Suddenly, there he was. William the Bloody. Looking out of the screen at her, with that eyebrow cocked sardonically, head down a bit, eyes looking up. The clothes were different, and the hair, but she could see Spike.  
  
"Now, let's see. If we--" Willow was mumbling under her breath as she imported the picture, opened a program to colorize it and started making changes. Buffy watched in stunned silence as HER Spike began to emerge. The platinum hair, change the style a little, ok a lot, the oh-so-intense blue eyes, even the leather duster. "There," Willow said, finally satisfied, and clicked print. She reached over to the printer, picked up the picture, looked at it for a moment, then passed it Buffy.  
  
"It's perfect, Wil, thanks. It's--" She reached out and hugged Willow. "It's just perfect." She took the picture back to her room just to look at it for awhile and remember.  
  
Willow smiled a little as she walked out to the workshop. Finally, she'd brought some joy to sad-Buffy. And it wasn't even all that hard. If only they could bring happy-Buffy back for good. "Hey, Xander. Guess what I did."  
  
That night at dinner, there was a small package waiting at Buffy's place. "Present? For me? How come?"  
  
Xander said, "Just open it. It goes with what Willow gave you this morning."  
  
With a puzzled little wrinkle in her forehead, Buffy unwrapped the frame. It was made of rich, beautiful wood and trimmed in (what else) black leather. "Oh, Xander," she breathed, "It's gorgeous, perfect. Thank you. I'll just go put the picture in it. I'll be right back."  
  
While she was gone, Willow turned to Xander, "Since when have you become all Spike-accepting? Did I miss something here?"  
  
Dawn looked up. "Spike? What about Spike?"  
  
Xander sheepishly looked at Willow. "I miss the way he made her smile and laugh. I even miss the way they used to fight. I guess I just miss the way he made her FEEL. She seems like she's sleepwalking most of the time these days. I figured if this helped, I'm more than willing to contribute. Sometimes, I even regret not giving him a chance. After all, if she could see so much in him, there must have been something, right?"  
  
"If what helped? What are you guys talking about? Willow, what did you give Buffy? And what does it have to do with Spike?"  
  
Willow smiled back at Xander. "It's about time you got with the program, Harris." Xander smiled wryly back.  
  
"GUYS!!!"  
  
Willow and Xander jumped at Dawn's yell just as Buffy walked back in the room carrying the now-framed picture. "Dawnie, what's the matter?"  
  
"They won't tell me what's going on. What did Willow give you? What did Xander do that was perfect? What picture? And what does any of this have to do with Spike?"  
  
Buffy silently handed the picture to Dawn. "Ohhhhhhhhh..... you're right. It's perfect." Tears came to her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. There'd already been too many tears. She handed it back to Buffy. "I miss him, too." The sisters hugged and rocked each other for a moment, then broke apart and sat back in their respective places. "Will you print me one too, Wil?"  
  
"Sure, Dawn. Right after dinner." 


	6. And Memories

And Memories  
  
Out on patrol that night, Buffy found herself in an unfamiliar part of one of the cemetaries that she'd come to know so well since they moved here. She looked up to find herself in front of a crypt that bore an uncanny resemblance to Spike's old crypt in Sunnydale. Her hand came up to rest on the door. She closed her eyes and remembered.  
  
The night they met in the alley behind the Bronze. He'd called her "love" even then.  
  
She saw him in the church with Angel and Drusilla. "I'd rather be fightin' you anyway."  
  
When he'd offered to help her defeat Angel, she'd told him she hated him and he'd ansered, "And I'm all you've got." Ugh, and the awkwardness of that evening with her mother.  
  
Newly-chipped Spike tied to the chair at Thanksgiving.  
  
Spike chained up in the bathtub, sipping blood through a straw.  
  
Standing in the sunlight wearing the Gem of Amara, beautiful blue eyes sparkling... with hatred.  
  
On his knees, looking up at her, eyes full of love, proposing...........  
  
She crumpled to the ground in tears, yet again. Suddenly, knifing through the agony, she sensed a presence -- vampire. And nearby. She wiped her eyes and turned, surreptitiously palming the stake from her pocket. Another fledgling. Seemed like they were all fledglings these days. As it dove for her, she pulled out the stake and let it impale itself and turn to dust. *How boring! I miss the challenge.* She stood, shook off the dust and looked around. Nothing else moving. Time for home... and bed.  
  
She wandered around her room after showering, trailing her fingers over things. Familiar and yet not. She missed her old things, her old house, her old town... *What am I thinking? I MISS Sunnydale?* She poked at the feeling a little more. No, it wasn't Sunnydale that she missed. It was the familiarity. She missed patrolling with her friends, stopping for a mocha on the way home. She even missed the house crowded with Potentials the way it was at the end. She missed slipping down to the basement for a few minutes of quiet time with Spike. Spike -- there it was. She missed Spike.  
  
How could she have been so blind? She had told Angel that she didn't love Spike, but admitted that he was in her heart. She thought it was just that he'd been part of her life for so long -- first fighting each other, then both of them fighting the demons, then finally fighting together. Side by side, back to back, truly together. She picked up the frame holding the picture Willow had printed for her that morning and gazed into his eyes. At last, she was ready to admit it. She loved Spike. She had said it to him there in the school, but she hadn't meant it, not really. And he had known. But now she did. And he'd never know. 


	7. The Four Wishes

The Four Wishes  
  
Giles stepped off the plane in Cleveland and headed for the baggage claim. He hadn't told anyone he was coming this time so there would be no welcoming committee. After collecting his bag, he proceeded to the rental counter to claim the car he had reserved. The drive to Glenville was actually quite pleasant ordinarily, but this time he was merely impatient to be there. To see Buffy and reassure himself that she was all right. Deep down, he knew she wasn't, but he didn't think he was ready to face that yet. He pulled into the driveway, stepped out of the car and stretched. *Perhaps I should have called. Oh well, what's done is done.* He followed the pathway around to the workshop. Getting the lay of the land from Xander first seemed like a good idea.  
  
Xander was expertly applying the last coat of urethane to the wood on the bench in front of him. He tipped his head to make sure the finish was smooth and even. Suddenly, he felt like he was being watched. He started to turn toward the door and picked up a hammer that was always nearby. It was a Hellmouth, couldn't be too careful. He grinned in delighted surprise. "Giles! G-Man, hey it's good to see you! Why didn't you call? We'd have met you in Cleveland! Hey, have you seen Buffy yet? We gotta tell Buffy you're here. She'll be so..." He trailed off realizing he didn't know how Buffy was going to react when she saw her Watcher.  
  
"Yes, well, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Just how is Buffy?"  
  
"Um... she's..." Xander sighed, "She's in pretty bad shape, Giles. But you knew that or you wouldn't be here, would you?"  
  
"I feared that was the case. Is it the dreams?"  
  
"Partly. She tries to sleep, has a dream, then doesn't want to try to go back to sleep because she's afraid she'll have it again. So she stays up all night watching infomercials and old movies on television. She says it reminds her of --" He stopped abruptly, not sure how much Giles knew about Buffy's feelings for Spike.  
  
"Spike." Giles met Xander's eyes and nodded. "She's finally discovered she was in love with him all along, hasn't she?"  
  
Xander just bowed his head. Willow came around the corner then calling, "Xan-der, phone. It's Mrs. Travis. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't you know you had -- Giles, wow! Hi! You're here! Well, I mean, obviously, you're here, but um... why? Not that it's not great, it's great, but confused here." Giles gathered her in for a hug. They held each other for a long moment.  
  
"Come to give Buffy what-for for avoiding your calls, huh?"  
  
"Not exactly. But I did figure that part out. Where is she?"  
  
"Inside. Getting ready to patrol. I think Dawnie's going with her tonight. Since last week, one of us has tried to go with her every night."  
  
"Really, why?"  
  
"She found a part of one of the cemetaries that we hadn't fully explored and there was a crypt in it that reminded her of --" She stopped abruptly and looked at Xander for guidance.  
  
Xander and Giles both said "Spike."  
  
"He knows, Wil. I'm gonna go catch the phone and keep Buffy from leaving until you can say hi."  
  
"I'll ask you the same question I asked Xander. Just how is Buffy?"  
  
Willow was silent so long that Giles thought perhaps she wasn't going to answer. Finally, she raised her eyes to his and said, "Broken. She has these horrible dreams that she won't tell us about and she cries a lot. She tries to avoid sleeping at night and she sort of sleepwalks through the days. But if you ask her, she'll say she's fine. She misses him, Giles. Spike. We all do, but she was in love with him and he was a part of her."  
  
Giles took his glasses off and began cleaning them. "You all miss him?"  
  
Willow looked a little uncomfortable, but then decided to be honest. "Yes, Giles. We all do. You know Dawnie always loved him like a big brother. They spent a lot of time together, especially the summer that Buffy was um... gone. And I think Xander misses the way Spike kinda, you know, poked at him, but they still respected each other in a neither-one-of-us-can-have-Buffy way. And I developed a little of a soft spot for him that night right after he first got chipped and couldn't bite me, you know? But more than anything, we all miss the way he made Buffy smile -- all the way up to her eyes. She doesn't do that anymore. It barely even makes it to her mouth most days."  
  
"Yes, well... hard as it is for me to admit it, I miss him too. For all the reasons you mentioned and a few you didn't. But that's not going to help our Buffy, is it?" They walked arm in arm along the pathway back to the front of the house and inside for awkward hugs and difficult silences. Then Buffy collected Dawn with a glance and they went out to patrol.  
  
While the girls were out patrolling, Giles took the time to read the journal Buffy had been keeping. Goodness, such a vivid dream. He wondered idly what a psychiatrist woule make of it, but realized that Buffy was correct. That was just not a possibility. When they returned, Buffy headed straight for the shower and Giles finally had an opportunity to talk to Dawn alone. Again, he asked the same question and got very much the same answer. Then Dawn ran for her room in tears. Giles sat quietly in the living room waiting for Buffy.  
  
*Damn. If there were any justice in this world, she'd have what she needs to be happy.*  
  
Xander ran his hand along the edge of the gleaming wood as he stared into space. *I wish there was a way for Buffy to have what she needs to be happy. After everything she's done for the world, she certainly deserves it.*  
  
Willow stared at her monitor waiting for the computer to finish shutting down so that she could go to bed. *If only I could use all that magick to find a way to give Buffy what she needs to be happy. She has a right to it after all she's been through.*  
  
Dawn threw herself on her bed and turned the stereo up to cover her sobs. *It's just not fair. We're all ok except for her. She's hurting. And none of us can do anything about it. She needs Spike. He's the only one who was always able to make her laugh, even when she didn't want to. I wish he could be here for her now. He'd make her happy.*  
  
D'Hoffryn listened in stunned amazement as four heartfelt desires made themselves known. All in the name of justice and what's right. He knew he had to find a way to grant them. It was, after all, his calling. But it wasn't going to be easy. What they were asking was almost out of reach -- almost beyond even his powers. He thought perhaps he could find a way. The Slayer was going to have to work for it though. She was going to have to be willing to reach out. A smile began to appear as he set things in motion.  
  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
A/N - Things are about to get interesting. Thanks for all your great feedback. Please keep it coming. 


	8. A Scooby Meeting

A Scooby Meeting  
  
They gathered in the living room, and it was almost like old times. Almost. Except there was no sardonic wit from the "cellar dweller" as he used to call himself. There were no unexpected revelations about Xander's performance the night before. There was no gentle, quiet presence next to Willow. And no Mom in the kitchen trying to ignore the topic of the meeting in the living room while she made hot chocolate.  
  
She and Giles had agreed it was time to let the gang in on the dreams. They all knew about them and how she was the day after. It just remained to share the details. When Buffy finished, everyone in the room just sat in stunned silence. Together, Xander and Willow spoke, "What --"  
  
They looked at each other and in unison said "Go ahead."  
  
And again in stereo "No, you. No, you."  
  
Dawn watched the exchange, shook her head and sighed in exasperation. *How did they ever solve anything?* She caught Giles' eye and quietly, but clearly, asked "What does it mean?"  
  
Willow and Xander subsided and waited anxiously for the answer. "I wish I knew. Oftentimes, dreams don't necessarily mean anything -- just a means of expressing the stresses of day to day life. On the other hand, being the Slayer, Buffy has been known to have dreams that are more like visions, or prophesies, if you will."  
  
"So, how do we find out which they are?" Buffy's voice seemed strained, like the answer was the most important thing she could hear. And perhaps it was.  
  
Giles heaved a heavy sigh, reached up for his glasses and began polishing them with his handkerchief. "It's time for a road trip, I fear." They all exchanged long looks.  
  
Finally, Dawn broke the uncomfortable silence. "To where?"  
  
Buffy closed her eyes in resignation. "Sunnydale. We have to go back." Willow and Xander's hands found each other and held on tight.  
  
The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. It was agreed that if any of them were going, all of them should. This meant that Giles would need to go back to England to wrap up a few things so that he could be away for a longer period of time. When he returned, he would be bringing Faith and Robin with him. He didn't know what was ahead in California, but he intended to have the entire home team, as it were, assembled. The trio would fly directly from England to Los Angeles and Buffy's household would meet them there. Then, after spending the night, they would rent a passenger van and drive to the crater that once was Sunnydale.  
  
As the departure date drew closer, Buffy's dreams became more frequent and more vivid. There was never anything more to them, though, much to her frustration. *What are you trying to tell me, Spike? What are we facing?* 


	9. Welcome to Sunnydale

Welcome to Sunnydale  
  
They were all tired and edgy. Part of it was jetlag combined with the fact that none of them had slept well the night before. But mainly, it was the stress of not knowing what was ahead. They were all convinced there was trouble brewing. Could the Hellmouth beneath the crater be reopening? And if so, what horrors did it hold in store for them this time?  
  
They were still about twenty miles from Sunnydale when Dawn reached over to grab Buffy's arm, "Buff, look." She pointed at a billboard on the side of the road. Buffy glanced up disinterestedly, expecting to see an advertisement for yet another one of those roadside greasy spoons. Suddenly, her attention was riveted. There was the crater from her dream, bulging, pulsing, bleeding, on a billboard emblazoned with the words "Come to Sunnydale -- Look Through Gates of Hell".  
  
Buffy choked out a strangled cry that startled Giles from his half-dozing state. "That's it! Oh God -- that's it, that's my dream."  
  
Giles looked around at the girls and then followed their eyes. Faith chimed in "Whoa, B. If you're dreamin' shit like that, you gotta stop eatin' so much Ben and Jerry's before bed." Xander slowed down and they all gaped in astonishment.  
  
"A tourist attraction? Now who the bloody hell would turn a Hellmouth into a tourist attraction? What could they possibly have been thinking?" Giles was furiously cleaning his already spotless lenses once again.  
  
Xander just silently swallowed and took the vehicle back up to speed. Startled, Willow looked over at him, "Xander! What are you doing? Should we really still be headed this way? I mean, Giles? Shouldn't we, like, go back and do some research or something? Anything? Please? Because I, for one, don't think we're prepared for this."  
  
Giles put a soothing hand on Willow's shoulder. "No, no, we must first take a look if we're to have some idea of where to begin. We'll just go on and take a quick look around. Then we can go back for help if necessary before we tackle er, um, whatever it is we're to be tackling."  
  
Dawn was working hard to calm Buffy, who just kept repeating "That's my dream" over and over as the tears streamed down her face. At last, she focused on Dawn and said "Do you think he'll be there? Do you think we'll find Spike?"  
  
Dawn's heart broke a little more at the hope that had begun to gleam in Buffy's eyes. All of them had long since accepted that Spike was gone. He'd turned to dust and that dust had been buried under the rubble of the school as it caved in on him. It had been almost two years now. But wait, "Guys? What's today's date?"  
  
"It's the nineteenth, no, better make that the twentieth. I always lose track coming across the ocean that way. Why do you ask, Dawn?  
  
"The twentieth?" she squeaked. "Don't any of you get it? It's been exactly two years today."  
  
They all looked at each other, but Giles summed it up quite well when he murmured "Oh, dear."  
  
Five miles from their destination, the number of cars seemed to increase dramatically. By two miles out, they were sitting in bumper to bumper traffic that was reminiscent of the exodus from Sunnydale in those last days before the final battle. Finally, about a mile away, they came to a gate. The attendant leaned out of the booth and said "Do you have an advance booking for your group?"  
  
Xander glanced around at the others and then turned back and replied "No, we were just out for a drive and thought we'd take in the sights."  
  
"Well, you sure picked a nice day for it. How many are you? Seven? Ordinarily, that would be $35, but I'll let you go with the carpool rate of $20. Just don't tell Willy. He'll have my head for cutting into the profits."  
  
Giles silently handed Xander $20, which he passed to the attendant. A ticket was passed through the window along with a map explaining the parking areas. "Thanks, folks. Have a nice visit and come back real soon." He opened the gate and Xander drove on.  
  
"Willy! I should have known that weasel would find a way to make a buck out of this." Buffy was furious. They were now pulling into the parking lot designated for groups and they were all looking around at the many chartered buses parked in rows, some labeled with names of churches and schools. "Incredible, absolutely incredible."  
  
They climbed out and stretched, then headed toward the crater. Buffy was torn between hoping her dream would come true and hoping it wouldn't. She so wanted to see Spike again, to know he was all right, but she feared what it might mean if the Hellmouth was reopening. As they got closer, she realized the billboard was just hype. The crater was exactly as they had left it. Empty, barren.  
  
There were tour guides scattered around the perimeter giving obviously memorized, and mostly fictional, accounts of the last days of Sunnydale to the interested tourists. The church groups were easy to spot. There were shouted amens and other exclamations of praise. The school groups all seemed to be carrying notepads and were frantically scribbling down every word the tour guides uttered. Buffy and the others moved off to an area away from the crowds and quietly stared down into the crater. Each of them said their silent farewells once again. All of them were touching at least one other member of the group to find some comfort. Almost as one, they turned away and started back toward the parking lot.  
  
"Do you think we ought to find Willy and put a stop to this nonsense?" Giles asked.  
  
Buffy shrugged, "Why bother? He'd just find some other stupid thing to do that would cause worse trouble. This seems to be fairly harmless."  
  
"True enough."  
  
They reached the van and began getting in one by one. Buffy turned back for one last look. *Goodbye, Spike. Thank you. And I DO love you. I always did. I just didn't know it.* A single tear slipped down her cheek as she turned to get into the van and bumped into someone approaching the bus next to them. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see--" Her apology trailed off as she looked up into familiar sparkling blue eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. "Spike?" she managed, and then she fainted. 


	10. Introductions and Explanations

Introductions and Explanations  
  
Buffy awoke to a sea of concerned faces. But the one she was looking for, the one she was sure she had seen, wasn't among them. "Spike? Where's Spike?  
  
"Oh, dear, she's hit her head." Giles knelt down at her side. "Just stay still, Buffy. We'll get some help."  
  
"Does she have amnesia, like in the movies? Do we hit her over the head again to get her memory back?"  
  
"Xander!" Willow whacked him across the chest with the back of her hand. "Buffy, sweetie, do you know who I am? How many fingers am I holding up?"  
  
"I'm fine, Wil. Giles, move. Let me up. I have to find him. Giles, let go." She struggled to free herself and stand. Her eyes scanned the crowd.  
  
"Buffy, you're scaring me. You know Spike's gone. It's been two whole years." Dawn was trying desperately to catch her sister's eye.  
  
"Dawnie, I saw him. I know I did. I bumped into him. It has to be him. No one else has eyes that blue. Help me find him, Dawn. I need to find him."  
  
Just then a hand came down on her shoulder and a soft, cultured accent intoned, "Miss? I'm terribly sorry. Are you all right?" He held out a bottle of water from one of the concession stands. "Here, perhaps a bit of water might help to revive you. It is quite warm today, isn't it?" He trailed off as he realized the entire group of Scoobies was staring at him.  
  
Dawn was the first to react. "Spike! Oh my God, Spike, you're alive." She threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around his middle. He looked at the top of her head in dumbfounded silence. Then looked to the others for assistance.  
  
"Spike? That's precisely what the other young lady said before she fainted. I'm afraid I don't understand. Do I bear some resemblance to this friend of yours?"  
  
"Right, yes. Terribly sorry." Giles at last recovered his voice. "How rude you must think us. I'm Rupert Giles, and I'm afraid you do bear rather a striking resemblance to someone we lost here two years ago. Dawn, please let go -- this is not Spike. Dawn!"  
  
"My sympathies," the young man awkwardly patted Dawn's shoulder with one hand while reaching out to shake Giles' hand with the other. "And you, my dear," he said to Buffy, "are you quite all right?"  
  
Buffy's eyes filled with tears even as the hope left them. She nodded and turned away into Willow's waiting embrace. Giles finally managed to get Dawn to release the stranger and went about introducing the others, omitting Buffy and Willow until Buffy could collect herself.  
  
"I say, you wouldn't happen to know a bit more of the history of this area, would you? I've gotten separated from my group and I don't seem to see them. You did mention that you were here two years ago, was it?"  
  
"Yes. Two years ago today, actually. We were all living here when the Hellmouth opened. The entire town was swallowed and then collapsed in on itself forming the crater." Robin stared at the bleak landscape for a moment, then said, "Luckily, most everyone had left by then."  
  
"Hellmouth? Surely you're having a bit of fun at my expense." I saw the billboards, of course, but I thought they were just a way to draw attention. Wasn't this just the epicenter of an earthquake? That's why I was interested. Geology and seismography are hobbies of mine."  
  
Faith let out a short laugh, "Earthquake, huh? Well, it sure rocked some people worlds, but an earthquake doesn't even come close."  
  
Willow and Buffy chose that moment to join the conversation, and Willow held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Willow Rosenberg, and this is Buffy Summers."  
  
He smiled and shook her hand. "Willow, is it? Lovely name." He turned to look into Buffy's eyes and held out his hand, "And Buffy. So nice to see you're all right. I'm William, William Blake." And Buffy promptly fainted once again. 


	11. The Long Way Home, Part 1

The Long Way Home, Part 1  
  
This time when Buffy came around, she was lying in the van and only Dawn was with her. "Dawn? Where are the others? What happened?" Images flashed through her mind ending with his eyes. Oh so blue. "Spike? It isn't Spike, is it? But his eyes are the same. I don't understand what's going on. He said his name was William. Dawnie, it's not my imagination, is it? He looks like him, doesn't he?"  
  
Dawn sighed and nodded, "Feels like him too. When I hugged him, I mean. It felt like hugging Spike. No, wait, it felt like Spike's body, but it didn't feel like Spike was in there, you know?"  
  
They looked at each other for a moment in silence. Finally, Dawn shrugged. "Giles'll figure it out. He always does. I think William's group already left. The others went with him to try to find them. He said he's spending the summer travelling all over the country seeing all the stuff he's always wanted to. His next stop is Vegas and then the Grand Canyon. After that, he said he was going to Colorado. And then St. Louis to see the Arch and then the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Graceland and th...."  
  
"Um, Dawn," Buffy cut her off, "do we really need to know all this? We're headed home and he's going to go do his thing and we'll probably never see him again."  
  
"Well...."  
  
"What? Spill it."  
  
"Giles kind of offered him a ride since they think his tour bus already left."  
  
"He what?! Why? Can't he just catch another bus?"  
  
"Giles felt bad. William was so worried about you that he probably missed his group leaving. He even missed his tour of the Hellmouth." Buffy shot her a look at that, and Dawn had the grace to look sheepish. "He's a really nice guy, Buffy. He's an English professor, and he studies rocks and earthquakes and stuff too. Plus he's cute, Spike-cute, don't you think?"  
  
"That's the problem, Dawn. I can't look at him and not think about Spike. I'll keep expecting him to BE Spike. I'm afraid I'll act like he IS Spike, or worse, act like I used to act toward Spike. Plus what about all the Slayer stuff. If he's some uptight English professor, he'll totally get the wiggins if he sees any of that."  
  
"So we don't tell him. We just give him a ride and act like normal people on vacation for a little while. How bad could that be? I think we all deserve a vacation. It's been a long couple of years, you know?" Dawn hoped she wouldn't have to eat her words, but she didn't have any more time to soothe Buffy's concerns. The group was back.  
  
"Ah, good. Buffy, how are you feeling? I think it best we get away from here. It's been quite an emotional day and I think some distance might be what's needed to bring an end to these er... rather uncharacteristic fainting spells of yours." Giles climbed into the driver's seat and put the key into the ignition.  
  
"Shotgun!" Dawn yelled and leapt into the front passenger seat. Xander and Willow quickly clambered to the back to claim the wide seat across the back. Faith and Robin followed to settle in together in the next seat forward. Buffy sat up and found herself face to face with William. He ducked his head a bit to step into the van and looked up at her through his lashes. She felt a jolt as she looked into his eyes once again. *So much like Spike.* She slid over and he made himself comfortable next to her as Giles pulled out of the space and joined the line leaving the Hellmouth.  
  
"Next stop, food."  
  
After the first twenty minutes or so, Buffy found herself relaxing into the conversation that had been going on around her. Everyone else seemed to be having no trouble accepting William, and he, too, appeared to be comfortable with her friends. *Never thought I'd see the day the gang would get along so well with Spike. No, not Spike. Just someone who looks and sounds like Spike. Not Spike. Spike is gone. Spike is dead. This guy is probably just some long lost relative or something. But NOT Spike.* Her eyes misted over. William noticed and reached out to touch her arm.  
  
"You all right then?" he asked softly. "Not in any pain or anything, are you?"  
  
Buffy looked down at his hand resting lightly on her arm. *Even feels like Spike. That same tingle.* "No, I'm fine, thanks. Just thinking a little too much." She smiled ruefully as he gave her arm a light squeeze before releasing it. She shook her head to push the memories away and tried to focus on what was going on around her.  
  
"So, Giles, where are we headed?"  
  
"I'd heard there was a ghost town called Calico near Barstow. I thought we might stop in for a look. We'll spend the night in Las Vegas? Is that acceptable to everyone?"  
  
"A ghost town??" Buffy was sure she'd never understand her Watcher.  
  
"A ghost town, you say? That sounds fascinating." William looked so interested that Buffy didn't have the heart to shoot down the idea. After all, as Dawn said, he had missed his tour bus because he was worried about her. Perhaps she did owe him that much at least. "I do appreciate your generosity in allowing me to travel along with you. I'm was terribly surprised my tour group abandoned me that way. You can be sure they'll be getting quite a scathing letter." Buffy stared at him thinking of how Spike would have threatened to rip their hearts out or something, this was definitely the anti-Spike -- a scathing letter, wow, scary.  
  
"It's our pleasure. Least we could do under the circumstances." Giles couldn't help studying their passenger in the rear view mirror. The resemblance was uncanny and yet he was so genteel, so polite, so unlike the Spike that he and Robin had conspired to eliminate to protect Buffy.  
  
"You said you're an English professor, William? Where do you teach?" Robin inquired.  
  
"I'm on sabbatical for the moment. Felt it was time to do a spot of travelling, expand my horizons."  
  
"And you picked Sunnydale?" Faith couldn't resist the dig.  
  
"Well, yes. You see, seismology and geology are two of my hobbies, as I was telling Dawn earlier."  
  
"But Sunnydale doesn't have anything to do with --" Willow jabbed Xander in the ribs.  
  
"Really? What other hobbies do you have?" she asked, far too brightly.  
  
"I read a good bit, goes with the job, you know. And I enjoy music and old movies."  
  
Buffy drifted off listening to the others discussing books. Definitely not her favourite subject. She awoke when they pulled off into the parking lot of a roadside diner. After an uninspiring burger and fries, they reboarded the van for the short side trip to the ghost town. William seemed to truly enjoy exploring the few deserted buildings left standing. The others looked at each other and privately smiled at how easily tourists could be taken in. At last, his curiosity satisfied, William was ready to press on, and the group headed for the temptations of Las Vegas.  
  
They pulled in sometime after dark and oohed and ahhed over the bright lights and flashing marquees. Little time was wasted agreeing on one of the many buffets and they headed through the casino. As they wove their way between the slot machines, someone hit a jackpot and the coins began dropping into the tray loudly while the bells rang.  
  
"Wow! All that money! Anya would have loved this. Oh-- sorry, Xander." Willow reached to put a comforting hand on his shoulder as she realized what she had said.  
  
"'s ok. I was just thinking the same thing," he smiled back at her.  
  
Dinner itself was, for the most part, uneventful. Buffy was a little surprised to discover that William preferred bland foods to spicy, and well done meat to rare, until she took a moment to consider that she was expecting him to have Spike's tastes. *This isn't Spike. Same color eyes, yes. Same build, yes. But that mousy brown hair, that timid nature. So NOT Spike.*  
  
"So, uh, we kinda have an announcement," Faith said over dessert.  
  
"What? You two finally decide to end the 'who's prettier' debate?" Xander couldn't resist asking.  
  
"Something like that. We're going to fly back to England from here in a few days. We-- well, seeing Sunnydale again made us realize how short life can be and we've decided to get married. Here. Tomorrow." Robin looked from face to face to see how everyone was going to react.  
  
"You what?" Giles exclaimed. "Why that's bloody marvelous! Good show, old man. I'm delighted."  
  
William smiled shyly and offered his hand to each of them in turn. "All the best. A wedding, how lovely."  
  
"You guys'll stick around for the wedding right? Wouldn't be the same without you. You're invited too, William. Give you a chance to see how nice this group cleans up." Faith grinned.  
  
Buffy was speechless, but she could see Faith wasn't going to let her get out of this. Willow was already hugging her and answering for them all. "Of course we'll stay. Ooh, hey, shopping opportunity, huh, Dawnie?"  
  
"Married??" Dawn was squealing. "Wow! That's great! What are you gonna wear Faith? And is Giles gonna give you away?"  
  
Xander clapped Robin on the back. "All the best, man. I still wish I'd followed through when I had the chance."  
  
Buffy still sat in silence, unable to decide how she felt. She was glad that Robin and Faith had found each other. They'd do well together -- each strong enough to keep the other in check, like she and Spike had been. She had a quick image of herself in a wedding dress, on Giles' arm, looking up the aisle of a room filled with her friends, at a gently smiling Spike, resplendant in a tuxedo. Her eyes filled with tears and she got up and ran from the table. Giles watched her exit and shook his head with a sigh, "Oh, dear." 


	12. Interlude

Interlude  
  
Sometime after midnight, there was a tap on Dawn's hotel room door. She stopped pacing and dashed over to yank the door open. "Well?" she demanded. "Did you find her? Is she OK?"  
  
"Yes, we found her. She's fine. She should be here in about ten minutes."  
  
"Where was she? I'm gonna kill her. She's not supposed to do stuff like this."  
  
"Actually, she was at, er, at Circus Circus playing carnival games. She sounded rather odd on the phone. I'd take it easy on her, Dawn. I fear she's at the breaking point, what with the business of Sunnydale and the shock of seeing Sp-- William."  
  
Dawn tilted her head and looked at Giles, much the way Spike would have. "IS he Spike? I haven't had a chance to ask you yet. I told Buffy that when I hugged him, it felt like Spike's body, but that he wasn't in there. What do you think? Is it possible? And how do we get him back the way he was?"  
  
"I'll do some further investigating in a couple of weeks, when we get home," Giles responded as he wiped his lenses on his handkerchief. "I have called Wesley to see what he could find in the database, but for the moment, I would have to say that he is NOT Spike. Because of the startling resemblance and the fact that he's from England, I'd have to say they probably share some lineage though."  
  
"You mean like that old show, what was it? Patty Duke! Identical cousins. Only instead of at the same time, over a hundred years apart."  
  
"Well, something like that, I suppose, yes."  
  
"Wait a minute. Home in a couple of weeks? What do you mean? It's only a few days to drive home from here."  
  
"Oh, that, yes, well," Giles began cleaning his glasses yet again, "we thought we'd take a bit of an extended trip. We all need a vacation and William wanted to see quite a few things that were just a bit out of the way."  
  
"We who? You and Xander? And what do you think Buffy's gonna say? She's not gonna like this, Giles."  
  
"Not going to like what, Dawn?" Buffy asked as she came through the door. She was dry eyed and calm. She didn't have much to say to either of them about extending their trip. She just nodded, said good night and went off to bed. Giles and Dawn looked at each other helplessly and decided it was probably best if they, too, got some sleep. The next day was going to be quite busy.  
  
Early in the morning, the girls all went on a shopping expedition. Faith surprised herself by having fun being pampered in preparation for her wedding -- an event she never thought she'd be part of. They even took her to a salon and had her hair and makeup done. Through all of it, Buffy was almost disturbingly calm. Dawn and Willow kept exchanging looks and shrugging. They were both afraid to say anything for fear it would destroy the equilibrium Buffy seemed to have found. At last, it was time to head for the chapel.  
  
Everyone was in position and the music began. As the justice of the peace started to speak, Buffy's eyes went out of focus and she pictured herself in Faith's place. Then she heard the words "'til death do you part" and the illusion shattered. Spike was already dead. He'd been dead when she met him. And now he was gone. She took a deep breath, pushed the pain deep inside and pasted a smile on her face. She hugged Faith and Robin and went through the motions of enjoying the party the male members of their little group had put together while the girls had been shopping and primping. At last, the happy couple headed for their suite and the others all retired to their rooms for the night.  
  
Tomorrow it would be time to get back on the road. 


	13. The Long Way Home, Part 2

A/N - Sorry for the long delay. I hope I haven't lost too many of my readers, but I had a serious attack of real life. We all know how that can be. I have several chapters just about ready, so I'll try to post them fairly quickly and recapture your attention. :-)  
  
The Long Way Home, Part 2  
  
The morning after the wedding dawned clear, bright and hot. Faith and Robin joined the group for breakfast to bid them farewell. It all passed in a blur for Buffy. At last, the six remaining pilgrims were back on the road.  
  
Buffy only halfway paid attention to the animated conversations of the others as the miles of scenery flew past the windows. She knew they stopped for lunch -- somewhere. She knew she ate -- something. None of it really mattered. Each time they stopped for one of the sights William had on his list, Buffy got out of the van and oohed and ahhed along with the others. She felt almost the way she had all those years ago when they had brought her back. She was numb -- just going through the motions. But this time, there wouldn't be anyone to help her learn to feel again. She was going to have to do that on her own.  
  
From Vegas, they had gone to the Grand Canyon, and from there on to Denver, by way of what felt to Buffy like every state park in the country. It was all beautiful, but she just didn't really care. A few days ago, they had been in St. Louis and as she looked down from the Arch, she remembered jumping off the tower. She still couldn't remember much about her time in Heaven, but the look in Spike's eyes as she cam down the stairs the night they brought her back would be close enough to Heaven for her now.  
  
They pulled into Nashville at dusk and stopped for dinner before finding a place to stay. At Graceland the next day, Buffy kept hearing Spike singing "My Way" along with the Sex Pistols in her head. After the tour, and stopping at virtually every souvenir shop they passed along the way, William at last seemed to have had his fill of Elvis, and they headed back to the van to return to the hotel. She was startled from her reverie when William picked up the refrain that had been in her thoughts all day. She turned to look at him with her mouth hanging open. He trailed off into silence and looked back sheepishly. "Sorry. Eighties punk. It's something of a hobby of mine. Didn't mean to disturb."  
  
"That's ok. Really. Believe it or not, it's exactly what I was hearing in my head. It's of the good." She smiled. He tilted his head, cocked his eyebrow and looked at her pensively for a moment before smiling back.  
  
Two days later, Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as the exits for Cleveland loomed ahead. Almost home. They'd be dropping William off to pick up his rental car the next morning and continue with his American adventure on his own. He had just slid into their group as though he'd always been there. Buffy barely even noticed him anymore. Apart from a few isolated incidents, she could no longer see why she had thought this insipid, mousy English professor was her Spike, and she was grateful that their time together was ending. Spike had been so exciting and dangerous, and he'd taken such delight in pitting the friends against each other or poking fun at one of them every chance he got. William seemed to go out of his way to make sure he never stepped on toes, literally and figuratively. Buffy sighed. She was bored. Ready to get home. Back to patrolling. Back to normal.The little reminders, though few and far between, were like daggers twisting in her heart.  
  
They pulled into the driveway shortly after 11 that night. It had been almost two weeks and Buffy thought she'd scream if she had to face another landmark or museum or tacky tourist attraction. Home looked so good. She unlocked the door as the others were unpacking the van. "Guys, I'm just gonna run down to the convenience store for some breakfast-y stuff for the morning. I'll be back in a bit."  
  
Giles looked over. "Oh, all right, that sounds marvelous. Did you want me to drive you? Can you manage?"  
  
"I'll be fine, Giles." She stared at him trying to convey what she really meant with her eyes. Willow, Xander and Dawn looked at each other.  
  
"Want some help, Buff? I'll just put this stuff in the house and then tag along if you like," Xander offered. He wasn't sure letting her go patrolling alone after they'd been gone so long was such a great idea. There'd been enough time for new vamps in town to set up nests that would be hard to take on solo. And she hadn't been training at all since they had left for Sunnydale.  
  
"No, I'll be fine. Back in a bit. Really."  
  
"Well, all right then, but be careful." Giles, Xander, Willow and Dawn watched as she waved and headed for the cemetary. William looked at the group, then turned to watch Buffy as well.  
  
"Is the convenience store in a bad area or something? You all look so worried."  
  
"Hmmm? Oh, no. I just thought perhaps she'd like to get inside, unpack, you know, that sort of thing, before she--" Xander handed another package from the van to Giles to interrupt him before he unintentionally revealed something that none of them felt William was prepared to know.  
  
Giles looked down and rolled his eyes, completely distracted. "Dawn, is this yours? What do you think Buffy will say?"  
  
Dawn ducked her head and retrieved the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign from the exasperated Watcher. "I just thought we should have it. I mean, there isn't really anyone else left that would appreciate it, is there? And it was just laying there, at the edge of the hole, under some rocks. I think it's the real one. The one Spike ran over. It's kind of a part of him, you know?" She looked up with tears in her eyes and Giles pulled her into a hug.  
  
"Yes, you're probably right. No one else would appreciate it, would they? Just keep it out of Buffy's sight for awhile. I'm not sure she's ready for that just yet. All right?"  
  
"OK. I'll go put it away, and then I'm headed for bed. I'm beat."  
  
"I think we're all quite ready for some rest. It's been a very eventful couple of weeks."  
  
Two hours later, Buffy sighed with relief as she slipped through the door. The house was dark and quiet. She put the milk and eggs into the refrigerator and headed for her room. She got undressed and ready for bed and slipped between the sheets. She reached out to touch Spike's face in the picture on her nightstand. *Good night, Spike. And goodbye. I'll always love you.*  
  
D'Hoffryn smiled. "Not quite the man you hoped for, is he Slayer? A little dull, eh?" He chuckled to himself and sat back to watch. 


	14. School Days

School Days  
  
"Wow, look at you, all College Girl. Mom'd be so proud." Buffy stood in the kitchen doorway watching Dawn put on her backpack and readjust the straps.  
  
She grinned back at Buffy, "I'm so excited. My first day! You're the best, Buffy. Thank you so much for letting me do this."  
  
"You've worked hard. You deserve it. You'll do great, I know it." She walked over and untwisted one of the straps, then gave Dawn a hug.  
  
"Do you ever regret not finishing college, Buffy? You could come back with me. That'd be so cool. We could take classes together and study for exams together and help each other with papers and..."  
  
"Whoa! Whoa! Stop! I'm good. I admit that for awhile it was a sore subject, but not anymore. I wouldn't know what to take. It's not like you can major in Slayer, you know. I have enough to keep me busy without homework too. No, you go, you learn. Have fun."  
  
Willow called from her room, "Dawn, you ready? We need to go so we're not late." She hurried into the room to see the two sisters smiling at each other. "Oh, Buffy, hi! Um... we gotta go. Is everything ok?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, good. Just seeing Dawn off on her first day."  
  
"Cool." She turned to Dawn, "Ready?"  
  
Dawn grinned and bounced a little, "Yup! Let's go. Bye, Buffy. See you tonight for dinner."  
  
"Bye, have a good day, you guys." Buffy followed them to the door and watched as they got in the car and backed out of the driveway. As Willow put the car in drive, they waved and Buffy waved back. She dropped her hand to her side and watched until long after they were out of sight.  
  
"Kids off to their first day of school?" Xander asked as he put his arm across Buffy's shoulders and looked down the street.  
  
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. It's great that they can carpool. It's too far for Dawn alone, you know?"  
  
"Yeah. You ok, Buffy?" He searched her eyes not knowing exactly what he was looking for.  
  
"Yeah. Actually, I'm good. Life is pretty ok right now. No Big Bads on the horizon. Bills are paid. Dawn is doing well. Hey, Willow even has a date this weekend. So, yeah, I'm good."  
  
"You know, that's something I wanted to talk to you about. I, um, have a date this weekend too. With Mrs. Travis... Tina."  
  
"Really? That's great, Xan. I like her. It's too bad she lost her husband so young. That must have been hard. But she's a nice lady and I think you two would be terrific together. You have big plans?"  
  
"Not exactly. She's making dinner for me. But that wasn't the point. My point was that Willow has a date, I have a date, Dawn has a boyfriend. Heck, even Giles is dating that new professor they hired. When are you going to, ya know, get out there with the rest of us?"  
  
"ME? Oh no, not me. I'm the one who stays home and cleans up the mess remember? Relationships and Buffy are like driving and Buffy. Not mix-y things."  
  
"You don't know what you're missing, Buff. The anxiety, the whole foot in the mouth thing. Ah, dating, the endless opportunities for embarrassment."  
  
Buffy turned and pushed Xander toward the workshop. "No, thanks. Now get to work. I have things to do."  
  
The days blended together in a pleasant blur. Dawn had adjusted very well to college life after the first month of classes. She was making new friends and enjoying her studies. Willow was seeing more of Heather, and Xander and Tina were inseparable.  
  
Buffy hummed as she made her bed. The girls were already gone and Xander had left early to take some measurements for a new project. *Things are good. Good, right. Boring and lonely, but good. Damn. Spike, I miss you. Everyone is all paired off except for me. They all keep asking me when I'm going to start dating again.* She turned and picked up the picture from the night stand and sank down on the bed. *They don't understand, Spike. No one can ever come close to you. To what we had. I'm still the Slayer, well, ok, A Slayer. I can't get into a relationship with someone and then say 'oh, by the way, you know all those spooky things you see on late night movies? They're real and I kill them.' And if I tell them first, they'll think I'm too nuts to date.* She sighed. *Nope. Looks like you were my last chance. I didn't have to hold back for fear of breaking one of your bones or something, and you already knew what I was. Dammit, Spike, why'd you have to go and die?* She looked at the picture a moment longer, then ran one finger over the familiar cheekbone and up to the raised eyebrow. She smiled through the tears and then blinked them away. *I know -- so one of us is living.* She put the picture down and went on with her chores.  
  
The journal lay forgotten in a drawer these days. Her daily conversations with Spike's picture had taken its place. And the dreams had stopped since the trip to Sunnydale. Buffy finally seemed to be healing. The loneliness was still there, but she wrote that off as being part of the whole Slayer package.  
  
Willow struggled to balance the pile of books and folders she was carrying in her right arm, while trying to look at the watch on her left wrist without spilling the coffee she held in her left hand, and she ran headlong into the man coming toward her across the common. Books tumbled everywhere, papers flew from the folders, and the coffee cup continued its forward momentum to splatter all over the starched and pristine white shirt of Willow's victim. She bent to recapture the papers before they blew away and began to stammer an apology. "Oh, gods, I'm so s-sorry. I t-totally wasn't watching where I was going. I'll be glad to have the shirt cleaned for you. No -- I'll buy you a new one, really!" Their hands met as he gathered the last of the papers and passed them to her, and she looked up as he replied.   
  
"Not at all. It'll be quite all right." Their eyes met. "Oh, hello, Willow. How are you?"  
  
"William? What are you doing here? I mean, I'm fine, thank you. Obviously late, as usual, but fine. How are you? It's great to see you again. I'd love to catch up, but I have a class." She looked at her watch and her eyes grew wide, "And I am SO late. Can you come over for dinner? Everyone would love to see you and hear about the rest of your trip. And what you're doing here, you know, other than wearing my coffee. Do you still have the address?"  
  
"That would be lovely. Yes, I still have it."  
  
"Great! Tonight, ok? Say sevenish. It's Xander's night to cook, so at least it'll be something edible. I gotta go -- I'll see you tonight."  
  
"Right. Tonight then." She had already disappeared into a building in a flurry. He glanced down at his shirt and shook his head. He looked back at the building pensively. *She said everyone would love to see me. I wonder.*  
  
"Buffy, you're not being reasonable. I'm over 18. I'm in college. Why can't I go away for the weekend with Rob? You said you liked him."  
  
"Yes, Dawn, I like him. He's a very nice boy. But you are still too young to go away for the weekend."  
  
"Just because you're rotting away at home not dating anyone doesn't mean I'm going to waste my life too!"  
  
"Dawn-- " Buffy was stunned. And hurt. Then she got angry. "Fine. Go away and have fun. But if he turns out to be a vampire or a demon or something, don't call me. You all seem to forget what happens when I date, but just to get you all off my back, I swear I'll go out with the next guy who asks me."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
Just then the doorbell rang. Dawn smiled a little too sweetly, "I'll get it."  
  
Buffy groaned quietly as Dawn opened the door to a smiling William who was holding flowers in one hand and a large Disney bag in the other. *I've been had.* 


	15. The Dating Game

The Dating Game  
  
Willow and Dawn rose to clear away the dessert plates as Xander excused himself to return a client's call. During dinner, William had kept them all entertained with stories about the rest of his trip. Buffy was surprised to find herself pleased Willow had invited him. She looked across and smiled, "So how come you decided to stay here in the states? You figure we could use all the help we can get with English, or what?"  
  
William chuckled a bit. "That was part of it, yes, but the university made me an offer I couldn't refuse. And since there really wasn't anything to hold me to England, I felt it was in my best interests to accept. There were also some things here in this country that I thought deserved more attention than I had yet given them." He looked down, shocked at the boldness of his words, and yet hoping she would understand their significance.  
  
"Shall we all move into the living room?" Willow asked brightly as she came back from the kitchen. "Dawn'll be out in a few -- she's just loading the dishwasher. Don't want to let her think company means she gets out of doing the dishes."  
  
****************************************************************************************************  
  
Two hours later, William noticed Xander smothering a yawn and decided it was time to take his leave. "Thanks so much for your hospitality. It was lovely to see you all again. I'm so glad I ran into Willow on campus."  
  
"More like I ran into you," Willow said sheepishly. "I really meant it when I said I wanted to replace your shirt. I feel so bad about that."  
  
"Don't be silly. It will wash out quite easily, and this evening has been a delight." William rose and Buffy stood to walk him to the door.  
  
"I'm glad you came for dinner, William. This has been fun."  
  
"Enough fun that you'd consider having dinner alone with me some evening?" He held his breath waiting for her answer. Buffy looked over his shoulder to see the others grinning.  
  
*Oh, why not! It's just William. He's harmless, and it'll get them off my back.* "That would be nice. Thank you for asking." *Could that have sounded any more lame? Guess I really am out of practice.*  
  
He could hardly believe it. She had said yes. "How about Saturday then? That is, if you don't already have plans." *What are you doing? She said yes. Don't give her a chance to change her mind, you ninny!*  
  
"Saturday? Um... no, no plans. Saturday's good."  
  
"I'll pick you up at seven then." He turned to the others and smiled, "Thanks, again, everyone. Good night."  
  
The others chorused their farewells and waved, and he stepped through the door into the night. As Buffy closed the door behind him, Willow, Xander and Dawn shared a three-way high five. "What are you guys, like twelve?" Buffy asked. "One date. That's it. You wanted me to go out and I am. OK?"  
  
"Yes!!" Dawn bounded out of her chair and gave Buffy a hug. "Come on, you might even have a good time. Plus, he's cute."  
  
Buffy just rolled her eyes, shook her head and said, "I'm going to patrol. I'll see you all in the morning."  
  
*****************************************************************************************************  
  
She'd been seeing William every Saturday night for six weeks now, and every Thursday night he came over for dinner with the gang. This week was Thanksgiving, and she had invited him to join them for the big holiday meal as well. Buffy hummed as she diced and chopped and mixed. She'd learned to enjoy puttering in the kitchen. Her meals weren't always the successes she hoped for, but there weren't as many dismal failures anymore either.  
  
Willow breezed in looking for coffee. "Hey, Buffy, how's it going? What time are we eating?"  
  
"I was thinking probably three. Sound ok?"  
  
"Sure. Heather is at her parents' house already, but she said she'd come by later for pie." She decided it was a good time to ask, while the two of them were alone, "Um, Buffy, how are things with you and William?"  
  
"Good. Comfortable. He'll be here in about an hour to help. He said he wants to 'fully experience this uniquely American holiday'. Sometimes he's so much like Giles, you know?"  
  
"Remind you of anyone else?"  
  
"No, why? Oh, you mean the whole Buffy-fainting-'cause-she-thought-she-saw-Spike-alive thing? Not once I got to know him. They're totally different. It's hard to see now how I could have thought that at all."  
  
"Oh. Well, we all kinda did, Buff. It wasn't just you. So, anything long term maybe gonna happen here?"  
  
"I don't know, Wil. I still haven't told him about the Slayer thing. I'm not sure he's ready for that. What man would be?"  
  
"I guess. But, you know, maybe he'd surprise you. He has with other stuff, right?"  
  
"Yeah, he's not as boring as I thought. The English professor image kinda threw me. I thought he'd be all stuffy like Giles, but he's fun."  
  
"Stuffy? You thought I was stuffy? Silly girl," William put his arms around Buffy from behind.  
  
"Hey! You're early. Naughty boy, sneaking up on me." She turned and kissed him in her customary spot on his cheek. Willow watched as something seemed to spark in his eyes, something familiar, then it died away.  
  
"I'll just leave you two to the kitchen-y stuff. I finished my part yesterday." She pointed to the pies, waved and left the room with her coffee.  
  
"Smells bloody marvelous in here. What can I do?" Buffy pointed to the other chopping board and knife on the counter next to the piles of vegetables, and William smiled as he set to work. He enjoyed how comfortable they were together now, but try as he would, he couldn't seem to awaken any passion in her. All he ever got were those pecks on the cheek, but he was willing to wait.  
  
*****************************************************************************************************  
  
Soon the Christmas season was upon them, and this year the spirit hit Buffy earlier than usual. She was settled on the floor in the living room wrapping presents for Willow and Dawn, when William tapped lightly on the door as he came in, "Buffy?"  
  
"Hi there! Quick come in and close the door before you let all the warm out. That's one thing I still haven't gotten used to after so many years in Southern California -- the winters. Oooh, since you're still standing up, would you do me a favor? There's a bag of bows in my room on the bed. Would you mind?"  
  
"Of course," William shrugged awkwardly out of the black leather duster Buffy had given him for his birthday. It didn't really suit him, but he wore it for her. He hung his coat on the rack near the door and headed for her room. He pushed open the door and looked around curiously. She'd given him the tour the first time he came to dinner, but he had had no reason since then to go into any of the bedrooms. He saw the bows on the bed and crossed to pick them up. As he turned to leave the room, the picture on the nightstand caught his attention. He picked it up and sank down onto the bed. *So, she's still in love with you, eh? How can I ever hope to compete with a ghost?* He sighed, replaced the picture and left the room.  
  
That evening after dinner, Buffy walked William to the door as usual. They stood for a moment saying good night, and as Buffy reached up to kiss his cheek, Willow glanced over, "Hey you guys, mistletoe!"  
  
They both looked at her in confusion. She pointed above their heads, "Mistletoe. I put it up when I got home. You guys have to kiss." She smiled impishly.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and turned her face up to William with a tiny smile. He spared a grateful glance to Willow before lowering his head to brush Buffy's lips with his own. He was startled when the tingle he always felt when she kissed his cheek felt more like an electrical current running through his entire body. He decided to risk a second, deeper kiss to see if it had any effect on her. He drew her into his arms gently and kissed her a little more firmly. After a slight hesitation, Buffy kissed him back.  
  
Then suddenly, feelings and memories began flooding his mind. London, his mother, Cecily, Dru, Angelus, Darla. Countries flashed by, as did the decades. Sunnydale, the Scoobies, the Potentials, the First, the final battle. Buffy -- always Buffy. Then he realized there was a second set of memories overlaying the first. Almost like a favourite book he'd read so often it was a part of him. London again, but more recent. Family memories, but a different family. University, friends, the trip to the states. Sunnydale. The road trip across America. Willow on campus. Buffy. His Buffy. His Slayer. He was kissing Buffy. He breathed in her scent and felt all his senses heighten. It was real. He shifted his weight slightly and tightened his arms around her.  
  
Buffy felt the first brush of his lips and then the hesitation. She was sure he would pull away then, but found herself wishing he wouldn't. She had felt like she would be betraying her love for Spike if she started a physical relationship with William, so she had been holding herself away from him. She leaned into him as he deepened the kiss, and then felt him hesitate again. Had she been too forward? Had she offended him? Then he shifted his weight and pulled her closer. It felt so right.  
  
At last, they broke apart, both breathless. They looked into each others' eyes for a long moment. He wanted to shout, wanted to sing. Anything to show his joy at being reunited with his love, his Slayer. And yet, as he looked at her in wonder, he knew it would terrify and confuse her to know he was back. He was going to have to bide his time and find a way to break it to her gently. She laughed a little, how he loved her laugh, and said, "Wow! Hey, you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost!"  
  
He shook his head a bit to clear it, raised an eyebrow and said, "Do I? Sorry. But if I had known what powerful stuff mistletoe was, I might have had Red put some up ages ago."  
  
Still overwhelmed by their kiss, Buffy didn't notice the slip, but Willow's head snapped around. His eyes met hers over Buffy's shoulder and he smirked just a little. Just enough. Her eyes got round. "Uh... William, you'd better get going. The roads aren't getting any better and you have an early class tomorrow."  
  
"Right. I'll see you on campus tomorrow," Spike grabbed his duster from the rack and slipped into with the ease of years. It settled onto his shoulders like a second skin. "Good night." He leaned forward and brushed Buffy's lips with his once again, then was out the door with a catlike grace Willow had thought she'd never see again. 


	16. Where Do We Go From Here?

Where Do We Go From Here?  
  
He stared down at his desk lost in memories as the students filed out of his last class of the day. He'd spent a sleepless night wondering what to say to Buffy -- trying to find the words to explain. But how could he even begin to explain when he didn't understand it himself? He sighed and shook his head. Time to go see Red. Maybe she'd have some insight.  
  
He tapped lightly on the open office door, "Knock, knock."  
  
"Who's there?" Willow returned with a smile. She and William had been playing this game all semester. He always had a great punchline.  
  
"Yeh -- that's the question now, innit?"  
  
"Wil-- Spi--" she laughed and said, "What should I call you?"  
  
"Doesn't much matter, Red. We're both in here. Take your pick." She noticed that William's cultured tones had roughened a bit, and he sounded more like the Spike she remembered.  
  
"Wow. What happened? Is it like Sybil? All split personality and trading control back and forth? Leaving notes for yourself? Arguing over who left the cap off the toothpaste?"  
  
He managed a tiny smile, but it vanished quickly. "What happened? That's what I was hoping you could tell me. What it feels like -- well, it's hard to describe. It's not two personalities struggling over control. It's more like someone moved in and made some changes while I was on holiday and now I'm back, I'm trying to decide if I like the way they redecorated." He sighed, "So, do we ring up Giles and get him started on the research bit?"  
  
"Actually, I can access the database from here, but somehow I don't think we're going to find much. What's the last thing you remember?"  
  
"Of what? Sunnydale? Or Glenville?"  
  
"Both."  
  
"I watched Buffy leave, then things got real bright, then I was kissing her last night. My memories as William are intact. No gaps. They just sort of merged during the kiss. You think Buffy's been carrying me around inside her head for two and a half years and it took the kiss to let it out? She was the last thing I touched before things went all flamey."  
  
"What, you mean like Spock and McCoy? You've spent way too much time with Andrew. And besides, he was all empty and stuff and McCoy was going insane from having him in his brain so they had to kidnap him and then steal the ship to go back to the Genesis planet to put Spock's essence back in his body, but Buffy hasn't been drinking blood or redoing the house Victorian or acting funny, which by the way you're looking at me, I obviously am." Willow realized she was rambling and stopped herself. "How come you didn't say anything to Buffy last night? She's missed you so much. We all have."  
  
"No idea what to say. Afraid she wouldn't believe me -- might think I was a psycho playing some cruel game or sommat. She's been through enough. Didn't want to scare her."  
  
"Ohh-- I hadn't even considered the idea that she wouldn't believe you. I knew right away it was you. And by the way, can I just say thank you for the whole saving-the-world thing?" She came over and pulled him into a hug, then reached up to kiss his cheek.  
  
He froze. As Spike he was unused to that kind of treatment from any of the Scoobies. Then he allowed William's feelings to guide him, and he hugged her back. He was surprised to find tears in his eyes. She pulled back and looked up at him. "Let's get you home and start working on how to tell Buffy."  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Buffy puttered around the house, but really didn't get much done. All she could do was think about that kiss. She'd been so sure she would never again feel anything close to what she had felt with Spike. They had fit together so perfectly. She had felt so safe in his arms, despite everything that had been happening those last few horrible days in Sunnydale. They'd always been able to predict each others' moves in fights -- whether they were fighting each other or a common enemy. He'd been able to see right through her. It had all felt so right. And now her world was upside down again. Could she really be that fickle?  
  
Spike had been around for years showing her how he felt with everything he did, even to the point of sacrificing himself. And still she had refused to allow herself to love him -- or to admit it, anyway. Then along comes someone who looks a little like him and has an English accent, and suddenly she's falling for him. After one kiss? Was she just trying to replace him? Everyone else was paired off. Was she just lonely? Didn't Spike deserve better than that? Didn't his memory deserve more respect? Didn't William deserve better than being a replacement?  
  
She sat down on her bed and picked up Spike's picture. *I miss you. I think of you every day. I thought it would get easier, but it doesn't really. It just gets further away. What should I do? He's a good man, like you were. We've become friends -- just like we did, but I never admitted it until the very end. I could probably love him if I let myself. Just like you. You were so easy to love once I let it happen, but by then you were gone. Why does everyone I love leave me? I know you wouldn't have if it had been up to you, but it happened anyway. I don't think I can take that again. There's already too many empty places in my heart. My friends stay though. And friends are good to have. Friends. Yup, friends. We'll keep it that way. Besides, how would I ever explain the whole Slayer thing?*  
  
She replaced the picture with her decision made. No more smoochies with William. Friends was what they were and friends was all they'd ever be. Now all she had to do was figure out how to tell him. This was going to be almost as hard as it would be to tell him about being the Slayer.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Dinner Saturday night. That was when he was going to put the plan he and Willow had come up with into action. It was time to start courting Buffy. He'd start dropping little hints into the conversations, too. Bits and pieces of things they'd shared over the years. Maybe she'd figure it out on her own and he wouldn't have to find the words to tell her. He had to be careful though. He couldn't bear to see that look again -- the one where she thought he was sick and perverted. The one she used to give him when she caught him under her window or following her.  
  
He sighed as he put the phone down. She had cancelled their date. She claimed it was because she had things to do because Christmas was getting so close, but he knew better. He had heard the tension in her voice. The comfort level that had been there was gone. She was pulling away, just like she always had when he had gotten too close. He didn't want to spend another two or three years proving himself to her. He'd been through that once. He didn't think he could stand being near her and not having her. Maybe if he just took the plunge and told her he was back, they could pick up where they'd left off. The "after" they'd discussed so briefly back when neither of them thought there would be an "after". He sighed again and shook his head. He knew he'd let her set the pace for awhile, proving to himself once again that he was still love's bitch, scrambling after any crumb Buffy could be persuaded to drop.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
The weeks slipped by. He still came to dinner on Thursdays, but Buffy always seemed to have other plans for Saturday nights. She even found an excuse to miss one of the Thursdays, but Willow made a point of letting him know that he was still welcome. Their secret was closely guarded, but Xander and Dawn began to suspect there was something they weren't saying.  
  
Finally, the Friday morning after Buffy had avoided Thursday's dinner with an obviously contrived excuse, Dawn turned to Willow on the way to school. "OK, what's going on? I'm not fifteen anymore and you guys promised no more secrets."  
  
"G-going on? Umm... with what, Dawnie?" Willow didn't even manage to sound convincing to herself, and Dawn just glared at her.  
  
"You know exactly what I mean. Buffy and William. They're not spending near as much time together as they were, and now it even seems like she's avoiding him. Why? I thought they were great together. What happened? What did I miss? You know Buffy's not going to tell me."  
  
Willow sighed. How could she help Dawn figure it out without betraying Spike? "Well, um, do you remember the day I put up the mistletoe?"  
  
"Yeah. You said those two needed a push and you thought maybe that was a good way to do it without being obvious."  
  
"Right. Do you remember what happened when they kissed? Or what William said?"  
  
"Not particularly. I was pretty wrapped up in that paper I had due the next day. Didn't he say something about how glad he was you put it up? I thought that was kinda funny -- you know, because of you and all the herbs and stuff you used to have around. Mistletoe isn't really used all that much magically, is it?"  
  
"There's a few spells that use it, but, um, Dawnie, can you try real hard to remember exactly what he said? I'm giving you everything I can without breaking a promise."  
  
Dawn closed her eyes and tried to picture that night. "Buffy said he looked like he'd seen a ghost. And then he said something about the mistletoe, about how powerful it was, and how if he'd known that, he'd have had-- " Her eyes flew open. "RED! He called you Red. Only Spike ever called you that."  
  
Willow nodded. "Have you noticed anything, um, different about William since that night?" Willow was trying to keep one eye on the road and one on Dawn. She knew she was starting to figure it out and wanted to see what Dawn's reaction was going to be.  
  
Dawn closed her eyes once more and pictured William. She saw him the way he was last night -- talkative, comfortable, but fidgety and pacing with catlike grace, especially when Buffy had called to say she wouldn't be there for dinner. Then she pictured him the first time Willow had invited him over when they ran into each other at school -- quiet, timid, a little clumsy and unsure of himself. She reached way back and pulled up a mental image of Spike from Sunnydale -- always talking, always pacing, always in motion, but so graceful. Her eyes flew open. "Oh my Go-- Spike. William really is Spike, isn't he? How? Why didn't he tell us when we met him in Sunnydale? Wait-- he has amnesia, doesn't he? He doesn't know he's Spike and that's why Buffy is staying away from him. She doesn't know how to tell him he used to be a vampire. Right?"  
  
"Slow down, Dawnie. Now remember, I didn't tell you any of this. You figured it out yourself, right? Or at least you asked me questions and I have a responsibility to correct things you might have wrong so you don't say the wrong thing to someone, right? OK. Yes, William is Spike. No, he doesn't have amnesia. He kind of did before, but now he remembers everything. But he remembers everything about being William too. He's both. And no, Buffy doesn't know and that isn't why she's staying away from him. She hasn't really told me exactly, but I think she feels guilty. I know that look. And guilt makes you do strange things."  
  
"Guilty? About what? Leaving him in the school?"  
  
"No. Remember, she doesn't know William is Spike. I think she feels guilty that she's starting to fall in love again. Like she's not being faithful to Spike's memory. I felt that way with Kennedy at first. It was really hard to let go of Tara, even though she was gone."  
  
"She would have wanted you to be happy," Dawn said quietly and reached over to rest her hand on Willow's shoulder.  
  
"I know," Willow smiled her thanks. "I knew then, but that didn't change what I was feeling.  
  
"You have to admit, most of the time, Buffy wasn't exactly nice to Spike. Even after everything he did for her, for all of us. I think she might feel she shouldn't love anyone else because she never showed Spike how she felt. That she doesn't deserve to be in love. Or maybe she's afraid he'll leave. She says that sometimes when she's feeling really down. She says only her friends stay, but all the men she loves leave her."  
  
Dawn shook her head, "Why does love have to be so complicated? Why can't everyone just find the right person, fall in love and live happily ever after?"  
  
Willow laughed and shrugged, "Sounds good in theory, but I think it would end up being boring."  
  
"So when's he gonna tell her? Finally, they can both be happy!"  
  
"He's letting her set the pace. I'm not sure it's the best idea, but you know how Spike is. It won't last. He'll snap. I sure hope it's soon though. I'm getting tired of being in the middle. And I'm so glad you know now. I hated not telling you. But you can't tell Buffy. You have to let him do it his way."  
  
"I know. I will. But I can tell him I know, right?"  
  
"Give it a little time. He'll slip like he did with me. You just have to be listening for it. I think he wants to. It must be hard not telling."  
  
"OK. I'll wait, but it's gonna be tough." They shared a smile as they gathered their things from the car. "See you later, Wil. Have a good day."  
  
"You too, Dawnie. Christmas vacation next week. I can't wait! See you at four."  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Flick. Click. Flick. Click. Flick. Click.  
  
Spike stared into space as the light glinted off the object in his hand. Christmas was just a few days away, and Buffy had turned avoiding him into an art-form. Willow thought he should tell her, but if she was never around, how could he?  
  
Maybe he should start lurking under the tree in the front yard. No, that hadn't worked very well the last time.  
  
He'd wait a little longer. Maybe by New Year's Eve he'd have a chance to talk to her, if she'd stay in the same room long enough.  
  
Flick. Click. He sighed and tossed the black velvet jeweler's box on the table and got up to turn off the light and go to bed. 


	17. Tis the Season

'Tis the Season  
  
Spike paced back and forth across the living room floor, stopping once in awhile to glare at the bag of gifts on the couch. Things had been been so much easier as William -- or even as Spike back in Sunnydale, when he didn't have to worry about gifts and holidays.  
  
He was confident that Willow would love the hand-tooled leather briefcase he had commissioned, and Xander would appreciate the antique plane he had found to add to the growing collection on the workshop wall. Dawn had always coveted his old duster, and now that he was comfortable in one again, he thought it would be fun to finally indulge her.  
  
And then there was Buffy.  
  
With the way she'd been avoiding him ever since Thanksgiving, he knew that the gift he wanted to give her would not be accepted. He sighed and opened the ring box to gaze into the depths of the diamond. It taunted him with its beauty -- just like Buffy. It reminded him of her too. So many facets, and she could be hard and cold. But when brought together in the light, the cold, hard facets magnified the fire within. For now, she was trying to hide that fire and he knew he couldn't force things or she would just retreat behind the walls again. He had to settle for what she was willing to give. At the moment, all she offered was friendship. So he would have to settle for that.  
  
He snapped the box closed, strode to the desk, and placed it far in the back of the top drawer. There it would stay until she was ready. He picked up the simply wrapped box that contained his 'back-up' gift for Buffy -- a suitably impersonal cookbook collection he'd seen her eyeing a couple of weeks earlier, grabbed the bag off the couch and headed for the door.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Dinner was over and the group sat surrounded by the rubble of opened gifts. As predicted, Willow and Xander had both enjoyed William's offerings, and Dawn was already wearing the duster, despite the roaring fire they'd built. Buffy had been hesitant about opening hers, but once she saw what it was, she surprised him with an exuberant hug.  
  
The items he'd received in return had also been well chosen. Xander had made him a beautifully carved desk set. He had a private laugh at the initials - WTB. If only Xander knew, it fit him either way. William Townsend Blake as well as William The Bloody. And everyone had laughed when he opened the box from Willow. It had contained several white shirts and a gift certificate for dry cleaning. Buffy's gift was quite practical -- a soft, warm scarf.  
  
He sat now with the large, flat box from Dawn on his lap. It was the last one unopened. Dawn was sitting across from him almost squirming in anticipation. Knowing her sense of humor, he paused to consider what might jump out at him, but decided she wouldn't dare to go too far with William. At last, he broke the ribbon and began ripping into the paper. He uncovered the back of a much-dented piece of metal, and suddenly he knew exactly what it was. He met her eyes as he turned it over, and without looking down said, "Thanks, Li'l Bit. You know, I didn't have time to pick up any souvenirs."  
  
She smiled back and replied, "Yeah, I figured. Things were kind of hectic."  
  
Buffy drew in a sharp breath when she saw the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign. "Where did you get that, Dawn? Is Willy selling them?"  
  
"Um... no, Buff. That's the real one. Remember the one that fell over after -- um -- after?"  
  
"You mean the one Spike used to run over every chance he got?" Xander asked, and he and Willow laughed. Buffy managed a tight smile, but Dawn and Spike were still looking into each others' eyes. He realized she knew and was touched and relieved that she was keeping the secret. He ran his fingers over the letters of Sunnydale and felt like he was drowning in memories. All the times he and Buffy had clashed. The night he lost her off the tower. The night she came back. All the times he had left, swearing never to return. But something kept drawing him back. Buffy.  
  
Dawn grinned as the familiar nickname warmed her and glanced over to see if Buffy had noticed. Buffy's eyes were still on the sign. Something inside her wanted to snatch it from William's hands and run away with it. *Spike's. That should have been his. I should have taken it myself when we left. How dare she give it to him -- a stranger. He has no idea what it means.*  
  
"Buff? You in there?" Xander asked again, a little louder this time.  
  
She looked up, startled and confused, "Huh?"  
  
"I said -- It seems kind of fitting that William should have the sign, huh? Seeing as how we met him back where Sunnydale used to be and all. Heck, we even thought he looked a little like Spike, at the time, huh, Dawnie?"  
  
Spike turned a chuckle into a cough as Willow and Dawn exchanged a glance. Willow decided she'd better jump in before things got more awkward than they already were, "Wow! We all did great this year, huh? So, what's everybody doing for New Years'?"  
  
The silence that fell was almost tangible, and Willow realized her mistake. Buffy suddenly found her feet fascinating. Spike gazed longingly at her for a moment and then caught himself and looked away. Dawn and Willow just cringed, and Xander was blissfully oblivious.  
  
Spike stood up and stretched, "Well, I'm going to say my farewells. Thank you so much for including me in the festivities." He had a bit of a headache, as he always did these days after an extended time in Buffy's company. He had to force himself to remember to stick to William's speech patterns and manners, and it was becoming a strain.  
  
"Aw! Already?" Dawn stood up too and stifled a yawn. "I guess it is getting late," she said sheepishly. "Thanks again for the coat. I've wanted one like this for years!"  
  
He smiled fondly at her and pulled her into a hug. "You wear it well, Niblet," he whispered. She hugged him back so hard he was afraid she'd break a rib.  
  
"I've missed you so much," she whispered back before releasing him. He bent to gather the gifts he'd received, and Buffy rose to walk him to the door. She opened the door and stepped out of the way so he could pass. He glanced wistfully at the mistletoe and forced himself to smile as he kissed Buffy on the cheek. He wanted to be sure she knew he got the message. Friends.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Spike and Buffy spent New Year's Eve the same way. Each alone. Each longing for the other's company. Each in despair.  
  
D'Hoffryn smiled. This was even better than he had hoped. 


	18. Engagement

Chapter 18: Engagement  
  
As the winter trudged on, Buffy spent more time training and less patrolling. While the cold didn't really affect the vampires and other demons that populated the Hellmouth, it certainly kept the humans inside. So, no food supply, no demons.  
  
Spike continued to come to dinner on Thursdays, and Buffy stopped trying to avoid him. They had not resumed their Saturday evening dates, though. She was a little baffled at her feelings. She should be relieved that William seemed to have gotten then message without her having to spell it out, but somehow she was disappointed to see that he had given up so easily. She shouldn't expect every man to be as persistent and stubborn as Spike had been. After all, he had thought he had had nothing but time.  
  
*****  
  
Spike saw Willow and Dawn on campus daily, and for the new semester, they had arranged it so they could have lunch together twice a week. The girls suggested plan after plan to reveal the truth to Buffy, but Spike continued to resist. He was more convinced than ever that telling her now would cause her to think he was either an imposter playing a cruel joke or just using his physical similarities to take advantage of his awareness of her lost love. January stumbled into February, and Valentine's Day passed much as New Years' had: quietly and alone, while both put up a brave front they didn't realize the girls saw through.  
  
If Xander didn't notice, he could certainly be forgiven. The morning after Valentine's found Buffy sitting in the kitchen staring into her long-since cold cup of coffee. Xander bounded through the door. "Hey, Buff! Isn't it a beautiful day? The others already gone? Dang it! I was hoping to tell everyone at once."  
  
"Huh? Oh, hi, Xander. Been out to the workshop already?"  
  
Xander looked incredulously from Buffy to the suit he was wearing to the kitchen door he had just come through and back again. "No, Buff. I just got home. You OK? You didn't get hurt patrolling, did you? 'Cuz I had some pretty big news, but if you need to talk or go to the hospital or something, it can wait."  
  
"Hospital? No, I'm fine. I'm sorry. I guess I was just not paying attention. What's your big news? Did you get that big job you were taking all those measurements for last week? What was it - built-in bookshelves?"  
  
"Bigger. I was hoping to tell everyone together, but since the girls are gone, you get to hear it first." He paused, took a deep breath and stood up straight. "I'm getting married."  
  
Buffy was stunned. She didn't really think anyone would ever take Anya's place. Of course, she had never thought anyone would take Angel's place either, but here she was in love with Spike. Spike. The tears came to her eyes again as she stood to give Xander a hug. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you."  
  
He grinned from ear to ear and returned the hug warmly. "Thanks. I was hoping you and William might have -"  
  
She pulled away and cut him off, "Uh-uh. This is your moment. Let's not say anything to ruin it." She blinked the tears away and turned back to the table. She picked up her cup and walked over to dump the old coffee into the sink. She poured two fresh cups and brought them over. "So. Sit. Tell. I want to hear all the details. What you said. What she said. Where you were. What she wore."  
  
Xander grinned again. This was almost like the old Buffy, He sat down and started the story of last night's proposal dinner.  
  
*****  
  
Willow and Dawn were positively giddy. The weather had finally broken about a week ago and it looked like Spring Break was going to be clear and beautiful - still cold, but at least no storms.  
  
Spike had taken an extended leave and gone to England just a couple of days after Valentine's. He claimed he had some business to take care of, but the girls suspected he was just trying to put some distance between himself and Buffy. They both were convinced that the old Spike wanted to disappear, but they hoped there was enough of William built into his personality that he'd be back at the end of Spring Break as promised.  
  
*****  
  
The streets of London - how he had missed them! William had taken the city for granted, but now he was reveling in it. Too often, though, he would turn a corner and Spike's memories would overshadow his. Often, they were even the deeply buried memories of William the Bloody Awful Poet before he was turned.  
  
Late one such day, he found himself in the cemetery standing before his family's plot. He had no idea how long he had been standing there when he heard the familiar sounds of a fight. Without thinking, he turned and ran. He came up behind Giles just as the vampire exploded into dust on the end of his stake.  
  
Giles brushed himself off, and bent to pick up his bag. He caught sight of William out of the corner of his eye, straightened and spun to face him, stake ready. "William! Good Lord! This is a pleasant surprise. You startled me." He frantically tried to pocket the sharpened weapon.  
  
"Yeh - I shouldn't wonder, Watcher. You were a bit preoccupied there." Spike looked pointedly at the pile of dust.  
  
"Yes, well - I was just -" Giles was mentally fumbling for some sort of plausible explanation when he realized what he had heard. "Did you say 'Watcher'?"  
  
Spike sighed and looked down, "Er - yeh - the thing is -"  
  
Giles quickly put the pieces together and came to the wrong conclusion. "You knew what Sunnydale was all along, didn't you? And Glenville - you followed us to Glenville. I knew the Council had employed some freelance demon hunters, but I certainly never suspected - You've built quite a good cover. I'm impressed. So tell me, who recruited you? You must have been fairly young. Was it Travers? Of course, he'd never have told me - well, or anyone else for that matter - little weasel that he was."  
  
Spike leaned against a tombstone and waited for the former Watcher to wind down. "You finished there, Rupes? Ready for the truth now or are you going to keep spinning your wheels?" he asked with his trademark smirk, arms crossed over his chest, head cocked.  
  
Giles stopped talking and really looked at him, "Oh, dear Lord. Spike. It really is you." He backed up a step or two and leaned against another nearby tombstone. "How? And why didn't you tell us sooner? Buffy must be so happy. Is she here?" He looked around the cemetery curiously.  
  
"Tsk, tsk, Watcher. Again you've taken a flying leap in the wrong direction. Are you ready to listen now?"  
  
"Yes, yes, of course. Forgive me. This is just so unexpected."  
  
"Yeh. For me, too. For starters, Buffy doesn't know and please don't tell her. Willow and Dawn do, though. I-- well, I guess you could say I 'found myself' back in November. Red put up some mistletoe to give us a little push and when Buffy kissed me, it all came back. Of course, right after that, she decided she couldn't betray Spike's memory or some such rot so poor William got pushed away yet again." Spike shook his head in disgust.  
  
"Well, why didn't you tell her who you were? She loves you. She's missed you dreadfully."  
  
"She'd probably think the same thing you did - that I knew all about Sunnydale and who she was all along and that I was just biding my time until I could learn enough to pass for her bloody martyred hero. It's not me she loves, it's some bigger-than-life Big Bad turned Hero she's created in her mind. D'you know Red even doctored up an old picture of me from back in the Dru days to look the way I did in good old Sunnyhell?" He paused reflectively for a moment, "Though I do believe she was beginning to love William. Maybe Red shouldn't have pushed. Then we wouldn't have kissed. I'd still be none the wiser and we could have gone on that way. Maybe for years."  
  
Giles laughed, "Years? Somehow I can't picture even William being satisfied with a platonic relationship for years. So what are your plans? Why are you back in England rather than wooing the lady? And why the bloody hell are you in a cemetery? Haven't you seen more than your share?"  
  
Spike chuckled and shook his head, "Haven't I though, mate! Oddly enough, I was visiting the family - well, William the Bloody's family, that is. William Blake's family is very much alive and well, thanks, and 'you're not going back to those dreadful Americans, are you?' I came out here for some quiet to decide what I'm going to do."  
  
Giles smiled in response to Spike's mimicry of what was obviously William's very stuffy family. Then he studied him for a moment before prompting, "And?"  
  
"And... " he sighed. "What do you think, Watcher? I'll go back. You know I can't stay away. I'll take whatever she'll give me. Just like always," he looked down at his feet. "The Bit and Red keep bombarding me with ideas and plans, but I'm thinking I'll just wait for a bit and see if she thaws out. Give William another shot at it, you know?"  
  
Giles wasn't quite sure what to make of this new calmer, more patient Spike, but he was very pleased to have him back - for Buffy's sake, he told himself - even if she didn't know yet.  
  
*****  
  
The two sisters strolled through the mall in companionable silence. Spring Break had been uneventful. Willow and Dawn had traded off going patrolling with Buffy, and there still hadn't been much activity. Now it was Saturday, and classes would be resuming on Monday.  
  
All day, Buffy had been trying to find a way to ask if either Dawn or Willow had heard anything from William. At last, she saw her opportunity. One of the store windows held a display of leather jackets and Dawn was wearing hers. "Hey, look! I wonder if that's where William got your coat. He sure picked the perfect present for you, huh? It's even more like Spike's than the one I got him. What should we make for dinner Thursday? He must be really sick of English food by now. He was over there almost a month, wasn't he? Is he back yet? Have you heard from him?" Buffy held her breath. She knew she was being pretty obvious, but she hoped Dawn would just answer her and not make a big deal of it. She wasn't sure she was ready to admit that she had missed him to anyone but herself.  
  
"William? He'll be back tonight, but he said he won't be able to come Thursday." Dawn waited for the question she knew was coming. She had decided it waS time to take things into her own hands, despite Spike's request that she and Willow just let things go on as they were.  
  
"He won't? How come? Oh, he's probably got a lot to do since he's been gone so long and with school back in session," she answered her own question. "That's ok. I guess Xander and I will see him next week." Buffy struggled to hide her disappointment.  
  
Dawn hesitated. She counted in her head and bit her lip, then finally gave the appearance of breaking down and imparting a confidence to her sister. "Um, actually Buffy, he has a date. She laughed to herself *A date. Yeah, right. Like Spike would even look at anyone else.* But Buffy didn't need to know that he had taken on teaching an extra class while one of the other professors was ill unless he told her himself. Meanwhile, it suited Dawn's plans perfectly.  
  
"A date?" Buffy felt like her world was crashing around her. No wonder he hadn't continued chasing after her like Spike had. There was someone else. Pretending not to notice Buffy's face, Dawn continued to walk along looking in store windows, but she was also keeping an eye on Buffy's reaction. Just as she and Willow had thought, Buffy was missing William. Now she just had to keep him away long enough to force her sister to make the first move. She knew he never would.  
  
Buffy walked on in a daze. She couldn't help wondering what kind of girl William had found. Would she be dark and mysterious like Dru? She reminded herself that Dru was crazy and besides, this was William, not Spike. She tried to picture him with others and discovered all she could imagine were the ones she had seen Spike with over the years: Dru, Harmony, the creepy girl he had brought to Xander and Anya's almost-wedding to make her jealous. And it had worked. She'd been seething - almost as jealous as she was now. Could she really have been so blind? She hadn't been starting to fall for William. She had fallen. Completely. She still loved Spike, but somehow when she wasn't paying attention, the love had turned to a warm memory instead of a bitter what-might-have-been. But he'd gotten tired of waiting and moved on. Now what?  
  
"Buffy? Buffy! Are you in there?" Dawn was tugging Buffy toward the food court. "Come on, let's get some lunch." 


End file.
